Punk Dancing for Self-Defense
by Legionnaire24601
Summary: "Okaaay." Stuart said slowly, eyeing Walter. The man was clearly not sure how they got into this conversation but was too curious to stop listening now. "That doesn't explain how this-" He motioned to the boombox on the counter between them, "Happened." "I'm working up to that." "This gonna take a while mate?" "Probably, (Sequel to Lets share the Blame)
1. Chapter 1

Standing in Stuart's Electronics was not how Walter intended to spend his saturday. He and Barbara had plans and this was unfortunately cutting into those plans. But spending it here he was. Rolling the amulet in between his fingers impatiently, Walter exhaled deeply and glared at the pot bellied man that had been humming to himself for several minutes.

"Can you repair it?" Walter asked not hiding his irritation as he pointed to the _it_ in question.

"I don't know." Stuart said blinking as he picked up the boombox and turned it over for further inspection. The red plaid robe he wore shifted in the dim light of the store as he moved. His fingers tapping against the jagged, upturned metal.

"How'd you say this happened again?"

"I was in a coffee shot and I spilled. A. Latte. On. It." Strickler answered, looking at anything in the electronic store but Stuart.

"Really?"

"MmmHmm."

Humming again, the scruffy man cocked his head curiously at him and continued to turn the boombox around, settling the electronic against his right hip and traced his left hand against the gaping hole in the middle of the horrid chrome contraption that had nearly, but not quite, split it in two. Stuart looked at the boombox and then back to Walter opened his mouth to say something then closed it. They stared at each other for a moment.

"A Latte?" Stuart exhaled.

"Yes." Walter nodded.

"This looked like a sword went through it." Stuart sniffed rubbing his nose with the back of his hand.

Walter continued nodding slowly. Swallowing thickly he looked Stuart straight in the eye.

"My coffee shop is in a bad neighborhood."

* * *

Two Months earlier.

They had been in the kitchen for a while now, neither one having said anything. Jim and Toby sat next to each other finding interest in the wood grains of the dinner table. Uncomfortable and needing something to do, Walter went about making coffee deciding that both He and Barbara needed something a little stronger than tea. Barbara merely leaned against the counter while Strickler went about placing her cup in front of her and pouring his own cup walked, through the kitchen door and sat down at the counter across from her. In the end, it was Barbara who officially broke the silence.

"Ashur," Barbara started slowly just as he was taking a tentative sip, not taking her eyes off of her steaming cup of coffee, "I can understand...but you?"

"Ashur?" Walter sputtered indignant, placing his own cup down on the counter a little two hard. The cup hit its dish with a sharp click and the hot liquid sloshed over the rim and onto his hand. Hissing in pain Walter drew back his hand while Barbara ignored his distress and continued.

"Yes, Ashur. Ashur seems like he'd try to take over the world because he's bored or because the cafe sold out of his favorite pastry. But you…" She pointed an accusatory finger, across the kitchen counter and into his chest.

"You, Mr. Stop-trying-to-invade-Russia-during-the-winter-when-are-people-going-to-learn? You should know better."

"Barbara...I've…" For the first time in centuries Walter was struggling to put words together, "...the Janus Order."

"Forget about trying to explain the Janus Order, Walt." Barbara shook her head. " You're a British Spy that's part of an organization bent on taking over the world."

"Not anymore." He tried in vain to clarify hating the whiny pitch in his voice.

"What like you gave them two weeks notice?"

"No more like I… just.. stopped taking their calls." Walter shrugged sheepishly.

"I…I… oof," Barbara stuttered incredulously. "the Travel agency that's been calling you? That's the secret club? Seriously?"

"It's not a club."

"Whatever okay, so you've switched sides. Why? Because of me?"

Walter offered her a soft smile and nodded.

"Aw." Said Toby softly from the table behind him only to be elbowed in the ribs by Jim. "It is!"

"You're a walking cliche, you know that?" Barbara frowned at him, though the corner of her lips threatened upturn and some of the anger in her eyes dissipated.

"I'm starting to catch on to it yes."

"Okay, you're a changeling."  
"Yes."

"Yeah what is that exactly?" Toby asked. From the reflection in the back kitchen window Strickler could see Toby raised his hand.

"A shapeshifter." Barbara supplied,

"Technically?" Walter added, "It's complicated."

"We'll put a pin in that for later, Walter."

"Walter Strickler." The Amulet chirped helpfully.

"Oh do shut up." Barbara snapped at it, frowning at the glowing amulet until its light began to fade to a dim pulsating blue, She picked it up and tossed it to him. "This thing, let's talk about it."

"The amulet of Merlin."

"The what?" Jim asked finally breaking his silence

"The…"

"Master Walter!" A great thunderous voice interrupted him around the same time that the back door into the kitchen crashed onto the floor. Walter yelped in surprise. Falling off the kitchen stool with an audible thump while Barbara screamed and jumped over the counter, knocking over both their cups in the process. She slipped on the coffee that now covered the floor as she landed and fell right on top of him.

The noise that wheezed out of Strickler was not unlike that of a squeaky toy. She rolled off of him.

"Master Walter!"

Both Toby and Jim screamed at the sight of whatever had barged into the kitchen.

"I'm calling animal control!" Toby cried out pulling out his phone with one hand while dragging Jim off his chair by the back of the collar of his shirt with the other. "I'll save you buddy!"

Slowly rising, Strickler peeked over the counter and knew instantly, as Aaaaarrrgh's green eyes widened in recognition that it was a mistake.

"Blinky… Changeling."

"What?" the blue trolls six eyes blinked in unison.

"Changeling!" cried Aaarrrgh pointing directly at Strickler.. And this time the blue troll known as Blinky reacted by grabbing the nearest object near him. Which happened to be a frying pan that was soaking in dishwater and launched it with surprising accuracy right at Walter.

Strickler's last coherent thought just as the flying soap suds landed directly into his eye was, _Well… damn it! this whole day has gone all to pot._ Then the frying pan hit him full in the face, knocking him out cold for the second time that day.


	2. Chapter 2

_Oh no._

Is the first thing that Barbara thinks to herself as she rolled off of Walter and onto the floor. Spilled coffee immediately began soaking uncomfortably into the back of her shirt. The cold of the hardwood, mixed with the residual heat of the liquid should have been enough to wake her to this new reality. A reality of secret travel agencies, changelings and glowing amulets. It did not.

 _Oh no._ Barbara thinks again.

"Master Walter!"

In response the boy's screamed in unison. From her position on the floor, spread eagled as she was, Barbara had a very unique view of the chaos over-taking her home. A glance to her right revealed, Walter crouching behind the counter. The coffee was now finding its way to the back of her pants. A quick glance upward had her wondering... Had her ceiling always been that dirty? The now cold coffee soaked into the back of her knee and stayed there. She blinked.

"I'm calling Animal Control!" Toby is shouting. From her left, Barbara had to twist a little to watch as Toby dragged her son by his collar under the dining table.

"Changeling."

"Animal control?!" Toby was screaming into his cell, perched precariously on his left shoulder, his right arm wrapped around Jim's shoulders, while his left hand was anxiously stroking the top of Jim's head. "I'll save you… buddy."

"Tobes."

"Don't panic, Jim."

"I'm no-"

"-Don't panic."

"But-"

"- I SAID STOP PANICKING."

"Blinky...Changeling."

"What?"

Movement from her right again and Walter was talking a step back, his hands raised in front of him protectively.

"Changeling."

A sound of water sloshing, and then, Jim's frying pan flew over the counter. Barbara winced at the sound of the frying pan making violent contact with Walter's face. Winced again, when his now unconscious form crumbled backwards towards the floor.

"OH MY GOD THEY KILLED MY TEACHER WITH A FRYING PAN!" Toby's arm had drifted up and tightened around Jim's neck. "...hello?... Hello?... Animal control hung up on me." Jim was turning red.

"Toby, sweetie, please let my son breathe." Barbara said softly as she rolled to her knees. Next to her Walter moaned.  
"Ohhhh... my head."

"A changeling?"

"Oh." Toby glanced down and quickly released Jim. The movement dislodging the phone from his shoulder, it clattered to the ground. "Dude, I'm sorry."

"It's… okay." Jim gasped, gulping in deep breaths of air. "What are those things?"

"Trolls." The Big one answered,as he began adjusting himself to get closer to the floor so as to peer at the boys. "Trolls." He repeated with a smile.

"Whaaaaaa?" Toby whispered, to no one in particular. Barbara stared.

"Aaarrrgh." The Troll said softly, pointing to himself. "Blinky." He pointed to the other troll. The blue one that staring down at Walter with a mixture of disbelief and distrust shining in all six of his eyes.

Barbara moved to kneel over Walter, ignoring the discomfort of her now sticky clothing clinging to her form. Gently, Barbara ran her hands over his sharp features and smiled as his eyes drifted open.

"Barbara? Are you alright?"

"I think it should be me asking you that."

He smiled back at her, leaning into her touch. "What's the damage, Doctor?"

"Minor Concussion, most likely." Her eyes drifted to the frying pan, black and lonely on the floor where it landed. "Frying Pan."

"Hmm." Walter blinked and smirked. He moved to get up and Barbara "Did Jim find out it was I who rearranged his spice cabinet again?"

"I knew it!"

"Afraid not." Barbara said softly, shaking her head. She motioned with her head and pointed at the two trolls that were watching the scene in fascination. Walter's eyes widened briefly then narrowed with annoyance.

"Friends of yours?"

"Certainly not!" Both Walter and the Troll she now knew as Blinky said, affronted by the suggestion.

Growling, Walt scooted forward and swung his left hand over and across Barbara's stomach protectively. He glared up at the trolls.

"Now," Blinky said, puffing up his chest to appear bigger. "What did you do to trick the amulet?"

Walter pursed his lips and said nothing. She slid her hand down along his arm and lays her fingers over his. Walt breaks his glare at the troll Blinky to look down at their hands. He sighed.

"Changeling. how did you find the amulet?"

Again..Nothing. Walter simply blinked at him. The troll huffed in frustration.

"Actually… we found it?" Toby said, crawling out from under the table, Jim following "It was in the canal in a pile of rocks."

"It was glowing, Said Mr. Strickler's name." added Jim

"Stricklander." Aaarrrgh reached one massive hand towards Walt and poked his stomach gently. A soft wheeze was Strickler's reply, but he did not move from Barbara's side.

"Might. Not. be. Mistake. Blinky."

"You can't be serious. An _Impure_? An _Impure_ cannot be a Trollhunter."

Walter's flinch at Blinky's words might have been imperceptible to anyone but her.

"Hey now," Toby frowned stepping forward. "Those be fightin words."

"You know what …" Barbara said slowly. "I think you should leave."

"Excuse me?"

She met his six eyed gaze sternly and repeated. "I think you should leave."

The house fell into an unnatural and uncomfortable silence. All except for the obnoxious pounding of a heavy bass from a car outside that seemed to be getting closer with each second.

Stop the track, lemme state facts

I told you, gimme a minute and I'll be right back

Fifty million 'round the world and they say that I couldn't get it

I done got so sick and filthy with Benjis, I can't spend it

"What the…" Barbara murmured rising to her feet.

Na-na-na, diva is a female version of a hustla, of a, of a hustla, of a, of a hustla

Na-na-na, diva is a female version of a hustla, of a, of a hustla, of a, of a hustla

"Ashur… "Walter rolled his eyes towards the ceiling and rose as well. His shoes were sticking to the remnants of the now dried coffee on the floor when he tried to make his way to open the front door.

Barbara followed, watching in fascination as a pimp purple mini cooper drove up and parked right in front of her house. The door opened and as the driver stepped out, Barbara had to stifle a laugh at the way Walter's face twisted.

Wearing an over large deep red tshirt with the words _Juicy_ in bright gold cursive lettering across his chest. Ashur Medina danced up the short path to the Lake house. With a loud, obnoxiously chrome boombox perched on his shoulder.

"Guess who's back. Back again."

Walter frowned. "Where have you been? And can you turn that off?"

"Out here spreading the love." Ashur pumped his hands in the air, tapping the power button of the boombox in the same movement and giving a high pitched whoop while he twirled in place. In the distance a dog started howling.

"You were excommunicated in 1503 A.D. for getting caught _spreading the love_ with the Pope's illegitimate daughter," Walter said dryly, rubbing his head.

"She was worth eternal damnation," Ashur sighed lovingly at some old memory. He continued dancing. "What happened to your face?"

Walt only growled in response.

"Ashur." Barbara motioned for him to come closer.

"Hello, Darling." He gave one final twist and bowed. Mediana took a quick step forward and grinned merilly at her.

"Ashur, please remove him from my presence." Barbara rested one hand on his shoulder and turned and pointed at Blinky with the other.

"What did you do to her, Galadrigal?" Ashur patted her hand and glared over her shoulder at the blue troll in the living room.

"Why do I say...I do not know you!"

"Aye, but I know you. Hey, Aaarrrgh."

"Changeling. Medina" Aaarrrgh supplied helpfully.

"Another changeling?" Blinky cried out tugging at the hair that remained on his head.. " Begone foul creature"

"The lovely lady asked you to leave."

"But-"

"Whether you like it or not, Wally here, is your new trollhunter. For. life. We can discuss it Tomorrow. For now, leave."

"But."

"Tomorrow." And something in Ashur's face must have changed because all six of Blinky's eyes widened in fear and he hastily tried to step back. Only to crash into her table. Barbara sighed.

"Tomorrow then." The troll nodded. He turned and practically fled the house.

Medina smiled wolfishly.

"There you are, I bought you a day." He cocked his head towards Walt. "Actually, I bought you more than a day. Bular is currently lost in the jungles of Malaysia, looking." He winked at Walter, "For you. Trollhunter."

"Can you stop saying that?"

"Got the Trollhunter! The Trollhunter is here!" Ashur stepped out onto the porch and began to hop from one foot to the other. "Trollhunter!"

"See? Nobody cares." He smiled, turning back

Walter snarled, grabbed the other changeling by the shirt and dragged him into the house.

"You're Paranoid, you know that?" Ashur giggled, poking the end of Strickler's nose.

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean there aren't those following me."

"There are people after you?" Toby asked worriedly.

Ashur smiled down at Toby and winked. "Just Ignore him. He's a Scorpio."

"Now." Ashur dislodged himself from Walt's grip and skipped towards the counter. "Lets see how the trouble maker looks on you."

In the amulet, glowed almost impatiently in Ashur's palm. He moved to throw it at Walt.

"NO!" They all yelled in unison.

"Okay." Ashur laughed, his black eyes flickering between them. He strode back and placed in Strickler's palm. "Well go on Wally. Give it a go."

* * *

It's bright. She wasn't exactly sure what she expected when He told her the amulet would form armor for the bearer. It might almost be pretty, if it weren't for the fear that flickered behind Walt's green eyes as he twisted himself around to see how it moved on him. He hadn't stopped patting at the armor since he first summoned it. He also hasn't stopped frowning.

"Well?"

Barbara steps forward and touches his forehead where it creases with worry. "It looks good on you."

Walt shakes his head, moves to pat the breast plate, catches her watching him and stops for a second before he unconsciously moves to rub at the gauntlet on his left wrist. Barbara cups his face between her palms, His cheeks are prickly with stubble.

"Hey. It'll be okay."

Walt chuckles warily but doesn't move away. His eyes meet hers and he steps even closer, he thumbs her jaw and leans his forehead against hers.

"I look ridiculous." Walter complained.

"I think you look quite dashing." Barbara said leaning forward and kissing his chin. Walt sighs and Barbara runs her hands over the bright armor and smiles when he shakes his head in disagreement, moving his hand to rest over hers just above his heart.

"Have to agree, Walt." Ashur called from the kitchen, His back was turned to them. He was not looking.

Strickler rolled his eyes and stared at his reflection in the window. Barbara rested her head on his pauldron. Together they stood.

The armor gleamed.


End file.
